Heartstrings

I’m at a place in my relationship with W where I can no longer protect myself. We are feeling out the details of a life built around each other. Would we decorate our Christmas tree with big colored lights, or the little white ones? What if we set up an office so we face each other while we work? What if I want to chop the onions my way (and not his way)? These questions sketch out the details of an everyday life. A life where we bend ourselves to make room for one another. Where he buys the orange juice without the pulp, and I buy the more expensive tomatoes.

If you asked me a month ago how things were going, I would have said something like “It’s going really well, I think this might work out”. And then, either out-loud or just in my head, I would have added “but if it doesn’t, I’ll be ok”. But now I have to admit that I wouldn’t be ok. Not for awhile. I’d be heart broken- struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of the hurt. I’ve been in serious relationships before, and watched them fall to pieces at my feet. I know how it feels to lose yourself in heartbreak. To become a wisp of yourself, curled up at the bottom of a dark hole, hiding your raw skin from the sun, just waiting to heal. I know eventually I would pull myself up, and walk calmly back into my single life, stitched back together with new lessons learned. A little more guarded, a little less optimistic. Already I feel stretched and hollow along the fault lines of past relationships. I worry that each time I am able to give a little less of myself.

I’m testing my footing in this relationship, whether the foundation we’ve built is strong enough to hold my fears and my hurt along with all the easy parts of me. I feel exposed, and emotional, and crazy. I know this is my way of staring down the worst that could happen. Of saying yes, I could end up there. I’m taking a moment to acknowledge how deeply invested I am in this relationship. Tomorrow I will be back to focusing on all the amazing parts of this adventure, but tonight I’m going to let myself feel the weight of all the possibilities.

photo above from Audrey Hepburn Complex

Giant Robot

Saturday was an icy, rainy, almost snowy mess. But we ventured out anyway- our first stop was the opening reception for Paths Less Traveled at Giant Robot. This show features Julia Rothman, Allison Cole, Daria Tessler, and Jing Wei. My favorite piece was Julia's painting of brightly colored rotary phones. My parents have a multi-line phone in their kitchen, but my mom still keeps the old rotary dial phone plugged in next to it. I gave her this print by Emily Martin one Christmas to celebrate her love of archaic technology. The show is up until January 13th, go check it out!

Both images here are by Julia Rothman. Julia is a partner in the design firm Also- you've probably seen their work, their projects range from super cool Rock and Roll kids bedding for The Land of Nod, to the website design for Design*Sponge. Julia is not only talented, but also very sweet, and so easy to work with. I recently commissioned some work from her, and she not only accommodated my crazy rush schedule, but her work was right on target.

After Giant Robot W and I met friends at Jadis, a LES wine bar. We had a cozy evening with some good food, and several bottles of red wine. I was particularly fond of the mushroom truffle risotto puffs. Yum. It ended up being a pretty late night, so Sunday was all about afternoon naps and window shopping around the neighborhood. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

Cookies

These silhouette cookies are from Polka Dot Cookies, via Not Cot. I love the little details, so often I think silhouettes result in creepy looking people blobs, but these look all dressed up for afternoon tea!

I've had cookies on the brain lately. Two weeks ago I made these Pumpkin Cookies, and they were phenomenal. Last weekend we tried to make Chocolate Chip Cookies just off the back of the Nestle chip packet, and they were a disappointment. I think partially the oven was to blame- we had it set to convection, and perhaps the temperature wasn't accurate. They were thin. The batter was too sugary.

This weekend I'm trying a Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe I had stashed away. It's typed up and printed out, but I can't remember who gave it to me. The secret ingredient? Vanilla Pudding Mix. I have high hopes. I'm planning to make them Sunday night so I can take them into work before I eat too many. The uncooked batter is always the best part! I could just eat handfuls of chocolate chips right out of the bag. So delicious.

Temptation #2...

Oh man, hide my credit card. This print is viciously attacking my need to be somewhere where I can lie in the sun and jump into warm waters... You can choose your ocean- Mediterranean, Indian, or Pacific. While the more exotic oceans sound more appealing, I love the deeper colors of the Pacific one. Each color strip is labeled with the corresponding depth. Swoon. I have an addiction to buying art prints. My walls can't hold anymore. Don't you just feel yourself relaxing when you look at it? It's just so perfectly zen...

This is the whole deal (Pacific)

This is the detail. The third strip down is just such a perfect shade of happiness. Available at Oddhero, this is from their Bathymetry series, they also have some interesting type posters. (via Design Milk)

Pillowcases... tempted....

I'm completely absurdly tempted to buy these pillowcases. Wouldn't the two orange ones look fabulous together? I have a fascination with orange. My apartment has two aqua/Caribbean blue walls, and lots of orange and silver accents. These would just brighten up the bed... but at $40 a piece it's tough to justify. My duvet right now is a green and white pattern but Licia (my cat) has put a claw hole or two in it. We play vicious games of catch the fishing pole on the bed. She does flips and flops and occasionally goes careening off the edge. She's gets so embarrassed. It's fantastic.

They are from Castle. They also have sheets to match, where only the top edge has the pattern, so you don't go blind from orange overload. Love. But resisting... re-sist-ing... gasp. (via Cup of Jo)

The Vampire Verdict... and Reel Clocks

New Moon was great- I loved it! It was much better than Twilight. The special effects (and even just the make up) were better. It was cheesy in all the right places- I laughed and squirmed and giggled. Ok, so there were no Oscar winning performances (my money is on Meryl Streep for her role as Julia Child, you saw that one right?), it was just pure fluff fun. Delicious girl movie, giggling, shrieking fun.

I'm squarely on Team Jacob- he's buff and sweet and yes, there actually are scenes where he has his shirt on. Edward is cool, robotic and cold, and just too aloof, pale, and skinny for my taste. Bella is just so awkward and angsty- she's as annoying as she was in the books. Jasper is downright creepy, Alice is just perfect- cute and sweet, and Dakota Fanning even makes an appearance as Jane. I can't wait to see more of her!

Vampires...

I've been rather grumpy this week- after 6 days of hanging with W, my empy apartment just feels, well, empty. Harrumph. Tonight I'm cleaning out the fridge and settling into a salad of wilted lettuce, dried out green pepper, and mushrooms that almost molded while I was away. No more chocolate and wine by the fire for me. I'm looking forward to a little girl time tomorrow evening. So let's talk vampires!

Tom Cruise as a vampire? I wasn't convinced. Buffy? She was ok, but I was never hooked. TruBlood? I watched one season on DVD- W referred to it as my "vampire porn". We just watched From Dusk till Dawn last weekend, and it was terrible. Selma Hayak as a satanic temptress of a vampire? Uhh, maybe not. But Twilight? I read them all. And I've been waiting for the second movie. Ok, so the writing is terrible, and the plot just gets more ridiculous as the books go on. And the first movie was worse than the book. But they are such an easy, guilty pleasure. All that drama and yearning. Tomorrow I'm off to see New Moon with two girlfriends- so, are you in? Team Edward or Team Jacob? I'm leaning towards Team Jacob, he's a bit of an underdog, and pale skinny boys have never been my type...

(Poster from here)