Transitions

I went to Bikram yoga this morning, for the first time in ages. It felt great. It’s been a month and a half since W officially moved into our new apartment, and it’s been a whirlwind. I’m just now settling into a new routine- I joined a gym, and am determined to get my butt back in shape. The process of moving in together has gone smoothly, we’ve been running around buying shelving and extension cords and hunting down chairs on craigslist. We now have all the furniture in, all but two stray boxes unpacked and sorted and squirreled away. I realized this morning that in all the running around and doing, I haven’t acknowledged what an overwhelming transition this has been. Now that we are through most of it, I can finally take a moment to let everything seep in.

There are the changes that come with any new neighborhood- we’ve now sorted out which grocery store to go to for which items, where to drop laundry that can go in the dryer, and where to take the wash only stuff. Then there are the relationship bits- we’ve figured out a system for our finances so we don’t have to worry about who does the grocery shopping or who pays for dinner. We track our bills monthly so we can both agree where to splurge and where to cut back. We are learning to communicate about the small things- so we don’t run out of toilet paper, so I don’t buy bread when there is a half a loaf hiding in the back of the fridge I thought he’d eaten.

The biggest transition for me is simply the amount of time I get with W. It’s been hard for me to let go of the need to spend as much time with him as I can. For the first year of our relationship, we saw each other only on weekends, and that time was precious. I still find myself rushing home after work, or avoiding lengthy plans without him on the weekends. I’m just beginning to settle into this new life and let that go. Suddenly I can start volunteering again, even if it means an eight hour shift on a Saturday. I can go to yoga, or the gym, and not feel like I’m losing important time together. I can build a routine for myself knowing W will be here when I get home, and that is an amazing feeling.

(The photo above is W being a goofball at Bodega Head, more on our trip to California coming soon!)

Time

I love this photo. What a beautiful exploration of time. How thin the line between dark and light-  yet what a difference between dining over candlelight, and strolling in the sun. Such a narrow band of space and time and shadow creates such a difference for us down below.

Time has been flying by. It seems so long ago that we first started carrying boxes into this place, yet bins and piles still litter the floor. It's been a very gradual process. There is still no art on the walls, but the books are in place, the dishwasher humming away. We sit, two laptops facing each other, such a microcosm of the modern world.

These are days I know we will look back on fondly. Sweaty and dusty from assembling furniture, scrambling to find that thing that's somewhere in that box. Sorting and stacking and eating dinner on the sofa because the table is buried in stuff. It is a time of building, and it is wonderful. I have much less time to myself, less time brooding in front of my computer, but so much more time with W. We laugh in the morning, sleep-eyed and stumbling around; our conversations in the evening are over steaming bowls of pasta instead of crackling phone lines.

We have a busy month ahead of us- later this week I fly to Vegas for a quick trip, then my folks are in town for a little fun, then we're off for a week in Northern CA with W's family. We'll be back in time to catch our breath before the holiday weekend, and suddenly the summer will be half over. I've always been one to look forward, excited for the next phase, and suddenly I've found myself happy with exactly where I am, anxious only to stop time and hold on to these moments.

photo via Audrey Hepburn Complex, taken by the crew of Columbia;

Toes, Sunshine and Sailboats

I know I've been a bit absent lately, but time just seems to fly by and the internet has been a bit (ahem) difficult lately. So what have you missed? W and I spent last weekend in Boston celebrating one year of knowing/dating each other.

We started with a lovely picnic on the Esplanade watching the sailboats, had dinner at Cuchi Cuchi (I recommend the Strawberry Basil Cocktail) and later had burgers and a malt at Bartleys where we had our first meal/conversation together. The second half of the weekend was rainy and cold, so we checked out Iron Man 2 and W tried a popover recipe (delicious!) Would you like to see some pictures?

Happy Friday!

Today is moving day! W is here to help, and I've hired two guys and a truck, so hopefully it will all go smoothly. The building I'm leaving has an elevator, but we're moving into the top floor of a walk up with a narrow stairwell, so that will probably be the the tricky part.

My parents are coming up Saturday, so they'll help with the cleaning and unpacking, and get to see the new place. (Hopefully we'll take a quick break to try the cookies at Ruby et Violette!) W will be moving his things down in a few weeks, and officially moving in June 1st. 

This week I've been alternately thinking of furniture and exotic vacations. Rustic farmhouse style tables, contrasted with industrial metal benches and designer chairs. Then it's on to dreaming of lying in the shade of a Tuscan villa, or climbing through South American jungles. Something about being surrounded by boxes and bubble wrap makes my imagination wander. I wouldn't mind a few hours stretched out on this bench with a glass of sangria, and a beautiful maze of hedges stretching out behind me...

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

Photo from the Toast Catalogue, discovered via the style files.

The Quiet

Sorry for the silence this past week- I've been rushing around trying to see as many apartments as possible while keeping up with craigslist and a slew of realtors. But, after a week of frenzy, I have signed a lease for a new place! I'll be leaving Park Slope behind, and moving into a one bedroom in Hell's Kitchen with a loft space, a super nice kitchen (with full fridge! whoo hoo!) Yes, I'm mov'n up in the world. The gazillions of checks have been written, the papers signed, the move date scheduled.

It all happened rather fast, and involved my trying to send a photo on my cell phone (grainy, dark semi-image, I do not have a phone that is equiped for actual picture taking), and discuss pros and cons with W while traipsing down the street after a realtor walking serveral thousand feet per second across midtown traffic. I believe he thought the faster he got me to the office the more likely I would be to sign the papers and hand over the cash. In the meantime W was firing off question like "are those beams structural or decorative" and "can we move the stairs?" To which I of course had no answers.

When it was all over we realized something: We don't have to look at apartments this weekend! Which was a fantastic and joyous realization. So Easter, which had previously been rescheduled due to the Giant Sudden and Stressfull Apartment Search of 2010 was reinstated. I'm heading up to Boston tomorrow after work with a little package from my hometown Easter Bunny, and we're planning a nice relaxing meal at home. I have a long list of things to get done-  stuff to clean out and cull before packing, and of course, an entire apartment to pack. But the worst is behind us, and now that we have a beautiful new place to look forward to, we can start planning and organizing. I already found a CSA for the area, and I'm sure W has been on several furniture sites already today...

photo by Pink Bow

Just Keep Mov'n...

I've got apartments on the brain. Realtors and craigslist and kitchens and bathrooms and neighborhoods. My current apartment has been on the market for 15 months now, and this week I got the notice that it has been sold, and therefore I must be out by May 1st. I've been in Park Slope for almost five years now, but it seems to have only gotten more expensive, and prices in Manhattan have dropped. So I' m thinking of cheating on my beloved Brooklyn, and moving onto the island. Crazy, right?

I hate the stress of real estate in New York City. It's all rush rush and "available immediately", and "I can show it to you tomorrow if it's still here". It's quick decisions and "can I live without counterspace in the kitchen, or windows here and not there?" "Is this or that neighborhood really where I want to be?"

This is all confounded by the fact that W hasn't heard from grad schools so I'm trying to find a place that I can afford on my own, but that has enough space for us to share if he indeed ends up here. Stress. This weekend will be all about real estate, with appointments already to see upwards of a dozen places. Hopefully something wonderful and new will come of all of this.

Wish us luck!

photo by Alex Varanese via Lost Bird Found

Birthday Weekend

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

As with every NYC parade, the sound of bagpipes is filtering through my office this morning. It's a blessing and a curse to be close to fifth avenue on parade days!

It's been a bit of a slow, under the weather, week for me. W and I spent the rainy weekend in CT celebrating my dad's birthday. We helped assemble a (complicated) German Forest Cake, and then had a special dinner of cheese and beef fondue. Of course, the birthday boy was is in charge of lighting the fondue. My father is well known for wreaking havoc when allowed to play with fire. Happy Birthday Dad!

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the extra daylight!

Photo Friday

Happy Friday! I've decided to start Photo Fridays- a photo or two every Friday just for fun. It could be a quirky candid, or a sexy fashionista shot. Anything goes!

W and I are heading up to CT early tomorrow to celebrate my father's birthday. I'm excited for fondue and German Forest Cake! What are you up to this weekend?

Doesn't this woman look like she just walked out of the Country Buffet and landed in MOMA?

Photo via Me Melodia

Underwater

I hope you all had a lovely, restful weekend! W stayed up in Boston to kick the sniffles so I had a few quiet days to myself. The sunshine made it the perfect lazy weekend to hit up the greenmarket, enjoy a smoothie outside Tea Lounge, and catch up with some girlfriends over brunch.

Check out these images of surfers by Wayne Levin, discovered via Lost. I love the contrast of energy and motion with the dark, silent world of beneath the water.

Vermont Weekend

Saturday morning W and I woke up to a white wonderland in Vermont. Friday night it was wet and muddy, but by the morning the trees were heavy with thick snow that had come silently during the night. The sky was a solid white, with the sun gradually burning through. It snowed most of the day, moving between flat grey skies, and magical sparkling sunlight.

Happy Birthday W!

print from Freya Art's Etsy shop.

Gray Skies

I've been struggling to catch up with myself after landing in New York Monday night and then pushing through the work week on the fumes of my jetlag. Hopefully this weekend I'll finally be able to catch my breathe. W's bus broke down on the way to NYC tonight (oh Chinatown buses how we love to hate you!) so he'll be in pretty late. It's absolutely freezing here, so we'll be leaving the apartment as little as possible. After trying to work in quick phone calls across a 6 hour time difference, and ill fated attempts to chat on old cranky hotel computers, we're looking forward to some quiet time together.

Paris is a beautiful city in any weather. This trip it was full of dark gray skies and rain showers. There's something I always find alluring about dark lonely figures and thin grey skies. This shot of the Eiffel Tower is the only time it emerged from behind the fog while I was there.

Stay warm this weekend!
Hugs,
Cynth

A Fresh New Decade

The 2000s... the excitement of the Millenium, Y2K. Graduating college and finding my way in the world. My first apartment, car, and heartbreak. Traveling for months. Licia. Grad school. 9/11. Iraq and Afganhistan. Katrina. Tsunami. Bush. And Bush. And Obama. Globlization. Gas prices. Columbia and the X-Prize. Brittany Spears. SARS and H1N1. Turning 30. Starting Peanut Butter and Poetry. The Matrix and Twilight and one more Indiana Jones. Ipods and Kindles and Crocs.

It's been a crazy decade, that has taken me around the world and back to New York City. So here we are. 2010. A brand new decade. I have all sorts of ideas and plans and hopes brewing for 2010 and beyond, I expect it will be a tumultuous year with lots of travel and change and introspection.

Good things from 2009:

1. Amazing trip to Chile and Argentina in the Spring
2. Met W
3. Started a 5 Year Diary (how fun to see where I was one year ago!)
4. Went to Tracker School and made fire using my own bow drill
5. Became a member of the Red Cross Disaster Reserve and Rapid Response teams
4. Started this blog
5. Discovered tons of amazing bloggers

Abstract Ideals for 2010:

1. Think Smaller. Sometimes drastic change is not the best answer
2. Slow Down. Sometimes a little down time equals a lot of perspective.
3. Patience. It's ok to not have all the answers right now.
4. Better food, more exercise.

Concrete Goals for 2010:

1. Travel somewhere memorable (possibly Isreal/Jordan combo in the Spring)
2. Join one of those seasonal produce cooperatives. Possibly this one.
3. Shop more at the natural food store and less at the cheap non-organic grocery store.
4. Use the NY Public Library. Read everything on my Book List 2010.
5. Start running in the park again (or at least on the treadmill for now)
6. Go hiking and horseback riding
7. Schedule better to see friends more often
8. Try something new each month.
       I took a West African dance class here in December
      This drawing studio is up next...
9. Bake something with rhubarb
10. Bring my lunch to work more often

W summed it up perfectly:

"Going into the new year is like a leap of faith. A salute to a world that is bigger than either of us. We set our sights on the horizon, trim our sails, and hold on at the helm. But the way is determined also by the wind, the sea, the unknown."

Where are you setting your sights for 2010 and beyond?

Photo by Saxony Marie

Oh 2010...

I'm heading up to Boston tonight for a bit of a "reverse" New Years. W and I are going to take New Years Eve to spend some quiet time together- walk around Newbury, maybe go skating, maybe catch a movie, then linger over a nice glass of wine. There may even a cheese plate thrown in there. We will dutifully dress up and join a party before the actual stroke of midnight, but we're planning on taking this one a bit easy. The holidays have flown by, and been rather stressful; W is in the midst of a storm of grad school deadlines, and we just need some time to pause and be together. New Year's Day we're planning on cooking a big meal together, so that will really be our celebration.

I'm not quite ready to let go of 2009. It's been a crazy year, with lots of good and a little bit of bad thrown in. The last half of the year was largely consumed by busing back and forth to Boston, and all the energy that a long distance relationship requires. All the holiday chaos has left me feeling a bit muddled, and I'm hoping the next few days will help me catch up with myself a bit.

I like to go into the new year feeling cleansed, organized, and mentally prepared. There's a lot of unknowns coming up this next year, and I can't predict how the pieces will fall into place. In the face of gaping uncertainties, I'm doing things like organizing my sock bin, and throwing out the old catnip to feel like I have a little teensy bit of control in this crazy universe. I have a few thoughts on 2010 and what goals I'd like to set for myself, but I'm hoping a little peace and quiet over the next few days will help me to clarify, so more on that later.

I hope you are entering this new year feeling prepared and enthousiastic, and that you have exciting plans for New Year's Eve, whether they are big or small. I think it's an important time to think about how far we have come in the past year, and where we would like to go. To take time to pause to look at the bigger picture, and set a clear course, rather than just making reactionary decisions day-by-day.

How are you feeling about the end of 2009- are you ready for 2010?

Wishing you all a warm and wonderful New Year!


Photo by Tim Walker via That Obscure Object

At Sunset...

This afternoon we took a break from grad school madness to walk around Prospect Park just as the sun dipped below the horizon. The sky was streaked with blue, pink, and cream; the snowy paths packed and slick from all the feet that had passed through today, celebrating the first real snow of the year.

 Entering the park as the shadows deepened, it felt like another world. The moon was a thin bright cresent in the sky, the dark tree branches twisted above us. I took a deep breath of the crisp air, and it suddenly felt like Christmas. We had a quick snowball fight, wandered around a bit, and watched the families sledding in the fading light. There was a general air of merriment- parents were sledding down the worn tracks with littles ones on their laps, or on the bottom of a messy pile three deep. It was that time of evening I remember so vividly from my childhood- when you can still see clearly in the dim light, but you know you only have a few more minutes before your mom calls you inside.

Today, hand in hand with W, it finally felt like Christmas.

Cookie Update

Happy Friday! It's been a long week. W is on his way down to New York, and a big snow storm is blowing in- we're expecting at least six inches just in time for Christmas, so it's the perfect weekend to settle in and figure things out between us.

A couple of updates for you- I've been a crazy cookie baker the last few weeks, see the start of my obsession here. I've churned out Chocolate Chip Cookies (decent, but not amazing), then Kolova Chocolate (severely underbaked, and good when re-baked, but too much effort), and Chocolate Espresso Snowcaps (excellent!). Yesterday I made Dark Chocolate with Sour Cherries (yum!), which were a hit at the office Christmas party this afternoon.

So here are the recipes I think are worth making again (and as the child of bakers, trust me, I'm picky about these things)!

Chocolate Espresso Snowcaps- (pictured above) The dough requires 45 minutes in the freezer to firm up before you bake these, but otherwise they are pretty easy. If you don't get enough confectioners sugar on them, the sugar gets absorbed by the cookie and looks cream colored, rather than a pretty white, so make sure to double roll them, and really coat them well with the sugar. These have a really strong coffee flavor, and be aware that the recipe only makes 18 cookies. These are a really pretty (and tasty) addition to your holiday table!

Dark Chocolate with Sour Cherries- I didn't have enough cherries, so I made part of the batch without them- they are good both ways, but the tart surprise of the cherries really makes them special. These are very rich cookies. Be careful not to overbake- after underbaking cookies last weekend (so frustrating), I was a little over zealous with these. The recipe says cook until puffy and cracked on top, they really don't crack very much (unlike the snowcaps), but they are done. As recommended on Every Last Cookie I made the balls of dough about 1" diameter, I wouldn't make them much bigger. Also, I ended up with four dozen cookies, so you may want to make a half batch or freeze half the dough to cook later.

Wishing you all a warm and wonderful weekend!

Oh my dears the drama...

Don't these earrings just look magical? As if you could put them on and the whole world would just glow a little brighter? Today my dears, I need some magic earrings.

W's grad school applications were due this week, and we've both been up late the last couple of nights discussing the various elements of his personal statement. So I started today exhausted. Now, normally W is a very sweet guy. For example, after I gruffly announced my grumpiness from the Chinatown bus on Friday, he picked me up at the station in a borrowed car. And he brought chocolate. Sounds perfect, right? Of course not, no one is, and today he threw in a game changer. A self-destructive, selfish, destroying all the scenarios we've discussed for the last six months game changer. And now I'm struggling.

So here are some of my questions- how do you know when it's too much? I believe that serious relationships are half love/personality and half business partnerships. If you are going to be legally and financially entangled with someone, they have to be a good partner. And this is where W is lacking- in the planning and executing a life together department. Am I putting too much emphasis on this part of a relationship? Is it enough that he acknowledges the problem and promises to try harder? Can I really ask for much more than that? W is someone who has to learn all his lessons the hard way, but we're both in our thirties, and I expect these lessons have come along before. Are my standards too high?

Any stores or advice from those of you have been in similar situations?
Can love in the end trump all else, or is that just the romantic in me looking for a reason to stick around? I'm exhausted and confused, help!

Heartstrings

I’m at a place in my relationship with W where I can no longer protect myself. We are feeling out the details of a life built around each other. Would we decorate our Christmas tree with big colored lights, or the little white ones? What if we set up an office so we face each other while we work? What if I want to chop the onions my way (and not his way)? These questions sketch out the details of an everyday life. A life where we bend ourselves to make room for one another. Where he buys the orange juice without the pulp, and I buy the more expensive tomatoes.

If you asked me a month ago how things were going, I would have said something like “It’s going really well, I think this might work out”. And then, either out-loud or just in my head, I would have added “but if it doesn’t, I’ll be ok”. But now I have to admit that I wouldn’t be ok. Not for awhile. I’d be heart broken- struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of the hurt. I’ve been in serious relationships before, and watched them fall to pieces at my feet. I know how it feels to lose yourself in heartbreak. To become a wisp of yourself, curled up at the bottom of a dark hole, hiding your raw skin from the sun, just waiting to heal. I know eventually I would pull myself up, and walk calmly back into my single life, stitched back together with new lessons learned. A little more guarded, a little less optimistic. Already I feel stretched and hollow along the fault lines of past relationships. I worry that each time I am able to give a little less of myself.

I’m testing my footing in this relationship, whether the foundation we’ve built is strong enough to hold my fears and my hurt along with all the easy parts of me. I feel exposed, and emotional, and crazy. I know this is my way of staring down the worst that could happen. Of saying yes, I could end up there. I’m taking a moment to acknowledge how deeply invested I am in this relationship. Tomorrow I will be back to focusing on all the amazing parts of this adventure, but tonight I’m going to let myself feel the weight of all the possibilities.

photo above from Audrey Hepburn Complex

Six Months

Today marks six months since W and I first met, and had lunch together. We went to Bartley's, which has the best burgers and shakes in Cambridge. The burgers are all named after different celebrities- I used to love the Tiger Woods- but they've since updated their menu, and now you can choose from the Barack Obama, the A-Rod, or the Tom Brady among others.

In the last six months W and I have traveled endless miles between Boston and New York, and spent countless hours on the phone. We've watched the Fourth of July fireworks from the Charles, road-tripped to Vermont, and gone apple picking in Ipswich. We've walked the Brooklyn Bridge, jogged through Prospect Park, and taken the ferry to Ikea. We've been to the Top of the Rock, and toured Seattle's Underground.

W supports me in endless ways, from his patience when I'm hungry and I can't think straight, to encouraging me to start Peanut Butter and Poetry. When I need to talk, I know he'll listen with patience, logic, and wisdom. We are still learning about each other, handing over little bits of ourselves. A favorite song, a scar from hitting that pothole over there, a story about that old friend I hope you'll get to meet.

The last six months have been a wonderful adventure, and I look forward to seeing what the future will bring. The photo below is from my birthday dinner at Palisade.

A Brooklyn Weekend

We spent Saturday in Red Hook, where I finally got to try the goodies at Baked. They are known for their Red Velvet Cupcakes, so of course we had to try one. The buttercream frosting was delicious, but we were both bigger fans of the Coffee Crisp Bar. Yum. I got my sugar fix, and W got to relax with a cup of coffee and an architecture magazine.

Sunday morning we met friends in Fort Greene to cheer on the runners in the NYC Marathon. When I think of the marathon I picture the elite runners at the front of the pack, but we had a great time cheering on all the everyday folks in the race. There was a large international contingent, and quite a few costumes.  Most of all we clapped our hands raw and yelled out encouragement to whatever names were crawled across the nearest t-shirts. We followed up the marathon with brunch at Beast. The food is tasty, the wait is short, and there is always an old black and white movie playing above the bar.

Fall is quickly slipping into winter. My thoughts are turning to the holidays, to cold hands on hot mugs of tea, to hot baths that smell like lavender, to wool socks, and to cozy evenings at home.